Sometimes a relationship will start after a very brief period of dating, even a day or so, and this is often considered unwise because people will say, “they hardly have had a chance to get to know each other.” Such reasoning is totally based on the physical and emotional level of through, and does not consider the instantaneous contact people can have at a soul to soul level.
The happiness of a relationship is therefore never relative to the time spent in dating or courtship. Nor does the time the relationship lasts have much to do with the length of time spent in dating before hand.
Apart from Soul to Soul connection however, there are other elements of a relationship that can make and break the happiness of it. There are five layers to consider and within each layer, there are variables. I will try to make this less complex.
1. Layer One – The Physical or Animal Nature.
The first layer is our response to the other person through our five senses of taste, touch, smell, sight and sound.
Sight is the most influential where, if we like the look of our partner, not only naked, but in their choice of clothes, furniture, art, surroundings and environment. The physical space a person creates, reflects a sense of sight and as such forms a part of attraction or not.
Listen to the sound of their voice, not only in good company, but in bad, under stress, in defence and on attack, and see if this sound is pleasing to your ears. Make sure you listen enough to circumstances, like family gatherings, where falsehood and pretence slip away.
Touch is more than sexual. Carefully observe how you feel when their hand touches yours, how they respond when your hand touches theirs. Is there a shrinking, a sense of repulsion or desire for more of it. Sometimes a slight feeling of revulsion around touch can be a permanent block to happy relationship. Consider whether your companions touch is one of tremulous uncertainty, or whether there is a confidence in that touch without control and power overwhelm.
Coaxing – or having to ask for little things you like to have done, reveals a deadening of sensitivities and marks potential unhappiness in a relationship. If you have to ask, or be asked repeatedly to do those things that make love’s expression small and simple – small gifts, small efforts of warmth, small sacrifices, small gestures are love’s outlet and if they don’t come naturally without coaxing, unhappiness is assured.
Taste – although often associated with the mouth includes mind, where the taste for aesthetics and taste in movies and taste in music is important. The key here is not similarity in taste but a harmony between the differences. If those differences are too radical, there’s little hope for happiness, long term.
Smell – Smell is the more violent imposition between two people where words, thoughts and environments are made to compliment each other. Is the odour of their hair, perspiration, feet, sox, breath, ears and gas offensive? This is one of the most overlooked and yet most influential relationship senses. Does your partner like fresh air in the bedroom at night or is it stagnant and hot? Does your partner work somewhere where the smells come home and disgust you (secondary cigarette smoke is a good example) – Do the smells that your partner chooses in their home harmonise with yours or do they clash? This is a really important physical element of relationship choices, happiness.
2. Layer Two the Mental level
Overcoming Hurt – When there’s disharmony in a relationship, go back in your mind to a time when you were generous, kind and thoughtful or when they were generous kind and thoughtful to you hand hold that picture, that memory firmly in your head. Keep out any thoughts about how you’ve been mistreated now in exchange for that kindness, just hold the thought of what you did, why you did it and how good it felt doing it. This willingness to revisit the memory of good times is a key to relationship happiness because it overcomes short term emotional impulse when things go wrong.
Comparison – While you perceive your current partner to be better than others the relationship will thrive. Therefore you must be willing to compare your partner only to those your partner is superior to. Some past mate, or circumstance that was less enjoyable, or to someone less fortunate so that you can say, “I count my lucky stars.” If you compare your current relationship to something that was better, even if that better relationship was being single, or even if it is in your dream list, you will attract bad energy, and the relationship will become an unhappy one. This is a most important choice of mind because it is quite normal for people to become envious of another person’s relationship or idealistic about a relationship they’ve dreamed of having and consequently be unable to enjoy and be cheerful with their current relationship (sabotage).
Layer three: The Money Level
The financial wealth of two people has little or no bearing on the happiness of a relationship. However, money can cause one of the biggest reactionary issues that does drive unhappiness in a relationship. It is particularly related to the attitude toward spending. One who is of low financial resources might have a more healthy attitude to spending than someone who is wealthy but feels always poor. On this plane, there can be much discomfort and disharmony in a relationship. As excess spending is a toxic approach, so too is the desire to hoard. Finding that middle ground is important to happiness in relationship more than who has wealth and who doesn’t. One lady of poor wealth gave her family $50 which made her husband, a multi millionaire furious and destroyed the relationship. It is the attitude to spending that must be welcomed and harmonious for happiness.
His and Hers – In a relationship where one party become the full time or part time home manager and the other goes out to full time money earning, the stay home manager must be paid an independent wage – an income that is not under any obligation to be spent in the form the full time money earner controls. This independence is so important to both the mind level and the money level. The income is best divided 50/50 after commitments. The home person is 50% share holder in the joint income after living and shared expenses.
In a relationship there needs to be His, Hers and Their – Money. On matters of his and hers, independence needs to be respected with, however, a harmony in attitude to spending. On matters of THEIR money, mutual consent on spending makes the probability of mistake far less than if only one person were to choose.
Layer Four – the Psychic Plane – Emotion and Spirit
The chief cause of inspiration on the psychic plane will be love. Many emotions also come into play at this level.
If either individual has come to the relationship with a heightened emphasis on this emotional plane, then great unhappiness may result if special precautions are not taken. When physical senses, mind and monetary issues are subordinated to love and emotion, there is a struggle to sustain the spirit of the relationship that may have existed at the start. Emotions and love are so fickle, and often outside the known control of the individuals. When a love driven or emotionally driven individual is asked to share or meet their partner on the other levels of mind, money or physical senses, in relationship they are not used to it, and become unhappy, controlling or defensive. No relationship can survive on only one level. The individual who emphasises love and emotional level will not be able to sustain their relationship.
When a person gets into a relationship with a highly emotionally driven or emphasised individual, then they are wise to leave that person a lot of room for artistic expression because no matter how much you love a person you must not interfere with their expression, such as need for solitude, isolation and expression. Too much time spent together in a relationship kills this expression and thereafter causes unhappiness in the relationship. To share more love in an emotionally driven relationship, spend more time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. We don’t appreciate what we’ve got till it’s gone.
The personality of an individual unravels in this emotional love plane… one cannot hold false face for long and this is why the emotionally focussed individual struggles in relationship. It is a form of self obsession but really, it more simply means a single plane of focus rather than a healthy five levels.
Layer Five – Soul Mates –
Much rhetoric is sold to the single and unhappy individual in the promise of finding a soul mate, but really, this is an extremely rare occurrence. Most relationships that start on the premise of Soul Mate end up resigned to ho hum, hum drum boredom of survival on lower planes, even just money plane.
Firstly, Two Souls to join in real life is rare and secondly, their preparation for that joining will have included a powerful emphasis on those lower planes, already mentioned, the four lower layers. Hence there will be completion and harmony on physical, mental, monetary, and emotional love level. This takes a lot of preparation. Probably many preceding relationships that, in some form or another, made each layer of connection accessible in it’s own right. (ie only one layer of connection).
The preparation for Soul Mate relationship also involves extensive use of the imagination, where the idea and mental picture of a Prince Charming or Princess Perfect has been held in perfect secrecy for many years. The challenge will be to find that perfect pictured individual in the real work in their entirety. Because each person you meet will have some resemblance. The sex, the looks, the eyes, the touch, the castle, the body, the face, the mind, – everyone you date will, at first resemble that Perfect Princess or Prince Charming but rare is it, in fact needle in a haystack rare, that it all exists in one person, and hence, a Soul Mate is found.
In a process of elimination you can draw to yourself a series of relationships one by one ticking off the bits, one by one building a real life picture of partners who’ve in some way, demonstrated some part of that perfect Soul Mate, until, after many instances, and dates, you finally draw that person, in the flesh.
Often by then, you’re blind, deaf, can’t speak, smell or taste, so, it makes it easier to find them…. (joke)
As you draw the pieces of the puzzle of your pictured Soul Mate to you it requires some awareness. Firstly, you can, without becoming involved or attached, recognise the portion of your Soul mate in another, and therefore save you months or years hanging onto a half Soul mate. Second, you can be reassured, that the more people you connect with, and meet at a personal level and recognise that piece of the jig saw they reflect, the closer you get to your SOUL mate.
Therefore, finding a Soul mate can take a long time if your habit is to find a piece and grab with both hands and waste 3-5-10 years until you’re either forced or by realisation, to let go and keep searching.
At the minimum, you can achieve finding your Soul mate in this way within a few years, as long as you don’t, as most do, marry the half right one, and then stick at it after the realisation dawns on you that you’ve done it again, and married half of what you’re looking for. If your real mission is to find your Soul mate, don’t hold on, let go when the realisation strikes – and let the rest of the pieces fall into place. Trust this, it’s part of the Soul Mate process.
So, there it is – Five layers, five planes of opportunity for happiness. Get the first four and you’re doing brilliant and will be happy – the last – well that’s another story……