New Relationship Mistakes to Avoid
Are you in a new relationship? Feel like everything is going great, but worried that it all may come crashing down any minute? Everyone knows a new relationship can be a fragile thing; treat it with care by following these relationship tips and your new relationship may just become your new marriage someday.
1. “I Love You”
Yes you might think you’re ready, and maybe you think he’s ready too, but before you say it, be 100% sure you mean it. There a few words in the English language able to create so much joy, or sadness, as “I Love You.” Say “it” too early, and you risk turning your new relationship into a short term relationship. Wait until you’re sure you’re both ready and you’ll stand a much better chance of making it last a lifetime. Sometimes the feeling fades after just a few months; if that’s the case then you’ll be glad you didn’t say “it,” as it’ll be easier for you to move on. If after three to six months together you still feel that burning desire to say (and hear) those magical words though, then give it a go and see how he reacts. By that time he should have said it to you first anyway, so if he’s still un-enthusiastic to hear it, it’s time to leave him behind.
2. “You Lying Cheat”
If you are only a few months into a relationship and you have already cheated, you’re not in a real relationship. You’re not even in a “friends with benefits” type of relationship. If the person you’re seeing thinks you two are “exclusive,” but you’re seeing other people, it’s time to go over the ground rules again. Just don’t expect the conversation to end nicely.
The last thing the one you want to be with wants to hear is how much he should change. When you start a relationship you think has meaning, you probably have done your homework on the other person for sometime now. You might even know him better than he knows himself. So why are you trying to change him? The guy you fell for is the guy with all the little quirks and occasional annoying habits, all of which made him so endearing in the first place. So don’t try to change him now. Not only will you usually argue to point of breaking up; but even if he does agree to change, he may resent you for it in the long term (if there is any.)
4. “I Wonder Where My Ex Is Right Now.”
Are you still thinking about your last relationship? Wondering where it went wrong, what could you have done to save it, what type of girl is he with now, etc.? If your answer is yes, then it’s time to end your current relationship NOW. You can’t expect to get anywhere with your new someone if you’re not over your old someone. So break it off, spend a few months away from dating altogether, and start fresh once you no longer pine for your Ex.
5. “OMG My Ex Used to Say/Do That Too”
Tying in with #4 above, do not compare your new man to your former one. Sure, there may be some similar qualities shared amongst the two, but that’s the last thing he wants to hear. After all, you don’t want to hear how you are so much like HIS Ex under the sheets do you?
And if all you’re thinking about are how they are so much the same man, it sounds like you are not over your Ex yet, and if you’ve read this list in order then you know what that means.
6. “The Past is the Past.”
So let it go. If you are still living in the past, be it by over analyzing what went wrong in your last relationship or dwelling on something negative that happened in your current relationship, your current relationship will not be able to blossom until you are able to leave the past missteps behind.
6-1. “. . . and The Future is Not Written”
By the same token, if you continually worry about the future of your relationship, you will not be able to grow together, and your relationship will eventually wither and die.
So what’s the best remedy for situations like these? Learn from the past, prepare for the future, but more than anything live in the present. Your relationship will grow by leaps and bounds when you both live each day to its fullest, without worry.
7. “Don’t You Dare Look at My Man!”
Though we would like to deny it, we all get jealous at times for whatever reason; i.e. when you catch your boyfriend glancing at that attractive woman who just walked by. Sure it might make you a bit annoyed when he does this, but don’t let it cause trouble in your new relationship. Arguments caused by jealousy can have a hugely negative impact on your relationship. If you find yourself feeling jealous of someone or something, take a step back and ask yourself why. If it’s an issue that looks like it will cause a problem in your relationship, then have a talk with your boyfriend to help find a solution. If it’s something small, like the aforementioned glance, then perhaps mention it in passing after your relationship has grown a bit; but do so playfully as in “I noticed you have a thing for redheads.” This will stimulate a much more gentle conversation, with a likely easier resolution.
8. “Wait, She Said What?”
We all have friends willing to give us advice on virtually any topic, including our relationships. When they talk, we listen. But sometimes, especially when it involves a new relationship, it’s best not to. Usually your friends will only have your best interests in mind, but they are human and as such can be prone to jealousy and may not want to see you with your new boyfriend. Other times, they will pass on things they’ve heard from others, which may have been taken out of context or may just be (unbeknownst to them) completely false. So always consider how, where, and why your friends are giving you their advice, as at the end of the day it is your relationship, not theirs.
9. “Honey, I Want to Tell You Something.”
Although this is the last item on our list, it may just be the most important. A relationship is as strong as the bonds of trust that hold it together. If you feel that, especially after some time together, there are things you must hide from your partner, then there is a major trust problem that would be best worked out immediately, either on your own or with professional help before moving your relationship further. If you want your new relationship to blossom into a lifelong relationship, then trust in your partner is absolutely vital.
While there are many other helpful tips (and pitfalls to avoid) for growing a strong and healthy relationship, these are the “big ones.” Keep them in mind when beginning your new, or continuing your current, relationship and you will have a strong one which just may last a lifetime.